The Long Pee

So, what's the deal? I leave town for one week and:

...A) nobody notices (even though my column and I were both missing), and,

...B) a cell tower goes up? ...I swear, some people just can't be left on their own for a second. It's a good thing I got back in time for the new Walmart Express party (...as in either you're a benefitting party or you don't want it). Gee, if we only already had a grocery and a pharmacy in town... Though I have to say, a Radio Shack would be another matter, ...But hey, when did consequential visualization and common sense ever dictate anything in our odd little world?

After all, according to at least one alderman with FOI in hand, there are more important matters looming -- like whether or not Earl and Morris used city funds on their motorcycle trip. ...Are you KIDDING me? ...This is serious. I'd better put back that paper clip I nabbed when I went down to get my black dog Jake's license at city hall before I have an alderman on my doorstep.

Speaking of my black dog Jake, he and his cronies are wondering why it's taken a year and five months to even decide whether or not to throw up a fence for a dog park. The canines' dogged opinion seems to be "if we have to be on a leash everywhere outdoors at least give us a place to play unrestrained for a few minutes so we won't get arthritis like our couch potato masters." ...Oh, the pooches have suffered terribly over this. My black dog Jake even had to go to therapy because of unmet expectations and recently has decided to turn his healing journal on the subject into a book titled The Long Pee. ...On your lawn, Parks.

Oh, here's a bright spot in the Yeah, We Were Just Wondering Why Butch Berry Really Cut His Hair report: He's running for State Representative Bryan King's seat. Vote early, vote often. 'Nuff said. ...Just keep an eye out for telltale haircuts and other makeovers if you want to know who else has political plans.

And you can plan to email me at oliverdeplace@hotmail.com if you want to know what else I know that you don't. Or, you can leave an order for my black dog Jake's new book on my facebook page. ...That would be 8 bags of chicken jerkey for the paperback.