Arson For Dummies

Let me get this straight ... a part owner of the 1876 Inn hired someone to torch the motel next door, as in 8 feet away, and the guy started the fire in a location almost up against the 1876 instead of at the other end of the Pine Top Lodge? ... Has anyone signed this fire-retarded guy up for World's Dumbest Criminals yet? ... Unless, of course, that was the plan all along and the FD just got there a little too soon. I'm glad the 1876 didn't burn, but hell, now we'll have to put up with that annoying guy waving his distracting yellow breakfast buffet sign out on the edge of the road for another whole summer. ... Has anyone ever stopped there to eat because of that sign?

Anyway, on further cogitation, it seems to me this 1876 part owner and his baby momma collected insurance after they bought the 1876 in 2004 and someone super glued all the locks shut and shot out all the windows. ... Funny how this same guy is arrested in 2007 for trying to make cinders out of the Land O' Nod when he was part owner there. ... Okay, so people try to collect insurance for burning their own places down - but why burn the place next door? What does he get out of that? I think maybe the guy he hired just fired up the wrong motel. ... Anyway, the brains of the operation is out on bail now, probably with a new Bic, so keep your guard dogs alert and good batteries in your smoke alarms.

So, here's how we do it in Canada when going into the robbery and arson business: ... 1. Make sure you have the right building. 2. Don't stick your face in the security camera - the picture is still on the tape after you cut the cable. 3. If you get caught make sure the city attorney represents you.

And I'm representin' at oliverdeplace@hotmail.com. Yeah, I'm still on Facebook -- that mind wasting, invasive, controlling shrew of a fake social life.