...Sweet

As a newspaper man, I'm always encouraged by miscreant reporters who wreak havoc with headlines or find truly stupid stories to pass off as news ... and 2012 promises to be a very, very good year. Browsing headlines this afternoon has provided a wealth of mirth that should last me at least until suppertime. ... So far the Irish win with this headline from Dublin: Woman in Sumo wrestler suit assaulted her ex-girlfriend in gay pub after she waved at a man dressed as a Snickers bar. ... Though not particularly subtle and admittedly a bit wordy, it still made me snort coffee out my nostrils. In a rare visit to the Citizen office, I laid it on our editor, who replied offhandedly, "Maybe he was sweet on her," and went back to work. That's how we roll here in Eureka.

Meanwhile, down in Florida ... as of Friday a 20-something young man was still in jail for writing on a sidewalk in chalk. ... Instead of washing it off, the city of Orlando chose to have taxpayers pay hold, feed and care for him. ... His unacceptable message? Justice = Freedom. ... "Sure, it costs money," wrote a tongue-in-cheek reporter, "But at least our city's sidewalks are free of pastel slogans about freedom."

Out in Denver, Colorado, police were busy with $10,000 worth of criminal mischief resulting in damage to a painting by late abstract expressionist artist Clyfford Still. A 36 year-old woman, last name of Tish, apparently pulled her trousers down to slide her buttocks against the oil-on-canvas work. ... It could only have been better if the culprit's name had been Tush.

And this one could probably happen anywhere "fast food" is only a relative term: Police were called to a McDonald's in Chicago after two men fell asleep in a black Volvo SUV in the drive-through lane of the restaurant with the engine running and the SUV in drive. ... Luckily, the driver's foot was resting heavily on the brake pedal. ... When awakened and asked if he needed any medical attention or an ambulance, he said no, he "just wanted another McDonald's sandwich.''

... And you thought the Citizen had all the fun stories.

Send your fun stories to oliverdeplace@hotmail.com. Or taunt me on my Facebook page.