Motorized Toilets?? Really?

By now I'm sure you've all heard of the California man suing BMW claiming the seat on his 1993 motorcycle gave him a 20-month erection he just can't shake. ... He's suing for the usual -- lost wages, medical expenses, emotional distress (!) and general damage. We could all sue for that, eh? ... All we're saying is, "Prove it."

This also just in from the Movers and Scooters Dept. ... a story about the woman who won our Canadian motocross and was also the first woman to backflip a dirt bike. She has now won the world's speed record (46 mph) for driving a motorized toilet. ... She was flushed with pride. ... And I think Eureka Springs would do well to send CAPC tourist bagger, Karen Pryor, to the motorized toilet convention to see if we couldn't interest loo riders to our town to soak up the stress and move us right along. Good thing we already have those "Please ride quietly" signs.

So... vandalism in the parks. ... It's one thing to take a picture, quite another to take a hosta. Did you think we didn't notice? Do you think because you pay city taxes it's technically yours? ... Kiss my petunias and go to confession before we duct tape you onto a 1993 BMW motorcycle.

Hey, C.J. Box will be here for Books in Bloom on May 20. If you've ever been to Wyoming, you know who he is. If you haven't, buy him and read him. (Kind of like "Who are you wearing," eh?) .. He's all about a modern day game warden stuck in another time when reined horses reigned. ... Kinda reminds me of former police chief, John Tyson. Yes, even we Canadians have heard aboot him.

Once again ... way too much to do in this town during May. ... Should I use the dartboard method or stay in my basement apartment and chomp Cheetos and other brain food while reading C. J. Box books for a month?

You can help me decide by emailing oliverdeplace@hotmail.com.

As Sheriff Andy of Mayberry always said, "Don't worry 'bout nuthin' and nuthin' will be all right."