Unreal reality

What will we do without that classy broad Lisa Lampanelli now that Celebrity Apprentice is over? It was pretty much train-wreck compulsive watching her bully that poor beauty queen (who really was one, and jealous Lisa ... well, not so much). ... And how can we live without the fine example of Aubrey O'Day running the entire show no matter who was project manager, taking credit for absolutely everything (including the invention of toilet paper, I assume) and generally badmouthing everyone else's efforts while congratulating her triumphs in a megalomaniac fantasy. ... But wait, there's more family enrichment on the horizon to trump The Donald -- The Bachelorette is back! ... Ladies, can you find any guys more uninteresting and petty than this in real life? ... Okay, seriously, who hasn't been shocked into turning the channel by Dance Moms or been put to sleep by the vapid Kardashians? ... How many more rich people with nothing to do can we endure?

Perhaps the neverending shuffle of self-absorbed, often unstable people parading across our television screens in the guise of real life is supposed to make us feel better about ourselves. ... Or, more plausibly, it's some kind of evil ploy to take over the world by turning the American viewing public into insipid, uneducated, ill-mannered dupe-able people by making them think it's the norm. ... I say, unless the networks are going to dole out the money so we can all afford to behave like brats, down with reality shows! We have more important things to think about -- like yellow bags.

And speaking of art, congrats to us for being recognized again -- this time at Number 8 on American Style's list of the Top 25 Arts Communities in cities with a population of less than 100,000. ... Forget 100,000 man -- how did we manage to pull this off with a populace of less than 2,100? ... Outstanding! My hand-crocheted doo rag is off to every artist and craftmaker who makes our happy farm one stunningly visual, creative and exciting place to live. ... It boggles the mind.

And if you'd like to boggle my mind, or just play Boggle, email me at oliverdeplace@hotmail.com.