These are the Days of Our Lives

This warning just filed in the Belated E-card Forum: Dads, get ready. Your tie collection is about to expand by at least one. ... Yes, that ubiquitous gift is about to cross another Father's Day off the calendar of life. ... So here we dads sit, sandwiched between National Hollerin' Contest Day on June 16 and International Panic Day on the 18th. ... Of course, we just missed the perfect time for receiving E-cards since Email Week already squeaked by on the second week in June . ... But then, how much can you expect from Accordion Awareness Month anyway?

At least we have Tricky Dick Nixon to thank for making Father's Day an official holiday in 1972. ...That said, with a little luck and few well-placed hints the day could also bring a bit of golf or fishing -- but you'd better get your whining in soon. ... No matter how it turns out, though, American dads will never have it as good as the male parentage in Germany. ... Starting back in the 1800s, some 40 days after each Easter, fathers would take up their walking sticks, hike out to some leafy place and sit in a circle and recite poems, sing a few ditties and tell really corny jokes while getting completely smashed. ... In time, the picnic baskets they tied to their walking sticks carried more booze than brats and the day became an all-out snockered-on-Schnapps revelry. ... These brothers of booze are allowed to get rip roaring drunk on their special day. ... And what do we get? Hallmark. ... My black dog Jake thinks we should apply for dual citizenship and go tippling with the Teutons. (But then, he is partial to Tiny Tim, after all.) ...

Ah well, the month is not a loss. My black dog Jake is looking forward to Take Your Dog to Work Day which also happens to be Columnist's Day on June 23. ... So, if nobody e-cards either of us, we're going to bypass Waffle Iron Day on the 29th and wait outside for the big fireball on Meteor Day June 30. That should end Accordion Awareness Month quite nicely.

And you can e-card me any day in June at oliverdeplace@hotmail.com.