* According to no-less an authority on rhythm and news than Pearl Brick, "Patrick Sweany has captured Missy Stoia in his mighty love net and is dragging her to Ohio, for god's sake!"

  This Love Boat will be launched on Tuesday, Aug. 14 at 8 p.m. at Chelsea's -- "The site of their first date, Pearl swears.

  Chelsea's, Eureka's pre-echo to New Orleans' Preservation Hall, will offer local musicians a chance to jam with the one-of-a-kind Sweany next Tuesday. Pearl swears (a lot) she will sing a song written just for this occasion called "Let the Hair Wars Begin or Patrick Sweany Is All Mine."

Starlight Cinema

  Music will be performed by Jones Van Jones. The evening's entertainment will feature a "Best Dance Moves" contest.

  Sunday's Lucky 13 will be sponsored by the Main Stage Community Center and hosted by Morrison/Woodward Galleries and Sparky's Roadhouse Cafe & Ultra Lounge.

-- Vernon

Thursday, Aug. 9 H

* Basin Park Hotel Balcony: Rachel Fields, noon-3 & Crosstown Richard, 5-8 p.m.

* Cathouse Lounge: Bike Night with The Hogscalders, 6-9 p.m. and Rich Berry

* Michael's Center St. Pub & Grill: Ladies' Night

* New Delhi Cafe: Umzimba, (Belly Dancing)

* Shawbee's Big Dawg Saloon: Ladies Night

* Tiki Torch: Mountain Sprout, (Pornobilly), 8:30 p.m.

Friday, Aug. 10 H

* Basin Park Hotel Balcony: Fish Fry with The Hogscalders, noon-3 & 6-9 p.m.

* Basin Spring Park: Jimmy Wells, noon, Maureen Alexander, 1 p.m., Rachel Fields, 2

* Cathouse Lounge: Rich Berry, 8 p.m.

* Chelsea's: Ben Miller Band, (Jug Band & Beyond)

* Coop Dog's Hog Shack at Anglers' Grill: Don O'Barr

* Crescent Hotel Dr. Baker's Lounge: Maureen Alexander, 8-11

* Eureka Live: Music, 9 p.m.

* Grand Central Hotel Grand Taverne: Arkansas Red, (Jazz Guitar), 6-9

* Jack's Place: Blue Moon, (Rock & Roll)

* Lumberyard Bar & Grill: Dance with DJ Tic, 7-11 p.m.

* Michael's Center St. Pub & Grill: Robbie Blender

* New Delhi Cafe: Tiffany Christopher

* Rowdy Beaver: Live Music, 7 p.m.

* Shawbee's Big Dawg Saloon: Karaoke with the Big Dawg, 9 p.m.

Saturday, Aug. 11 H

* Art Colony: Jones Van Jones, 1 p.m., Ozone Players, 2:30

* Basin Park Hotel Balcony: Rachel Fields, noon-3 p.m. and Maureen Alexander, 6-9

* Basin Spring Park: Susan Shore, noon, David Geneson, 1 p.m., Kariann & Michael Schwade, 2

* Cathouse Lounge: Noah Earle, (Americana Roots), 8 p.m.

* Chelsea's: The Bel Aires

* Crescent Hotel Dr. Baker's Lounge: James White, 8-11

* Eureka Live: Music, 9 p.m.

* Henri's: Karaoke with Tiny, 9 p.m.

* Jack's Place: Blue Moon, (Rock & Roll)

* Lumberyard Bar & Grill: Dance with DJ Tic, 9 p.m.

* New Delhi Cafe: Tiffany Christopher

* Rowdy Beaver: Live Music, 7 p.m.

* Shawbee's Big Dawg Saloon: Karaoke with the Big Dawg, 9 p.m.

* Sow's Ear & Books: Emily Johnson & Chandra Chappell, (Classical Music), 4-5 p.m.

Sunday, Aug. 12 H

* Basin Park Hotel Balcony: Rachel Fields, noon-3 p.m. and 4:30-7:30

* Crescent Hotel Crystal Dining Room Brunch: Catherine Reed, 10 a.m.-1 p.m.

* Lucky 13 Starlight Cinema: Happy Feet, dusk

* Michael's Center St. Pub & Grill: Benefit for Crissy

* N. Main St.: Sunday Market, 9 a.m.-4 p.m.

* New Delhi Cafe: The Maia Archote Band with Johnann Wagner, 3:30-6:30 p.m.

Monday, Aug. 13 H

* Chelsea's: Ladies Night

* Lumberyard Bar & Grill: Happy Hour with Mary

* Michael's Center St. Pub & Grill: Hospitality Workers' Appreciation Night

* Shawbee's Big Dawg Saloon: Free Pool Night, 9 p.m.

Tuesday, Aug. 14 H

* Chelsea's: Open Mic with Patrick Sweany

* Eureka Live: Ladies Night, 5-8 p.m.

* HI Elks Lodge: Charitable Bingo, 6:30 p.m.

* Shawbee's Big Dawg Saloon: Guys Night Out

Wednesday, Aug. 15 H

* New Delhi Cafe: Open Jam