Although the streets of Eureka don't want to be meanies -- like shrink resistant socks don't really want to shrink, but they just might -- the following are among the most verbally abused streets by new residents, who "fell in love with Eureka" without acquiring the perverse pleasure of trying to find streets that famously meld, dissolve, reform and splinter.

Remember trying to learn your ABCs? You ain't seen nothing yet, until you pick up a flat map of a town laid out like a wedding cake with hog-wild hills, hollows and curves included.

Washington Street runs, skips and jumps from a scrap of asphalt at the intersection of Vaughn and Fritz to the north end of town at Breezy Point.

Oh well, Ojo, a vacated street with one house, can be found near the big curve on Summit. Yeah, right there, sort of.

Then there's Kirk, a 90-percent grade, that can be found between French and Magnolia, or how about Butz, which can be found by turning right off Hilton, where it goes down to Pine, or left, where it goes up limestone stairs to Singleton.

Okay, let's take a ride to the East Mountain Overlook from Main. Apparently you're in a parking lot, but really there are two street choices, up Douglas or up Flint, both of which will get you to Steel (now spelled Steele) that in a reasonable town would take you directly to the Overlook, which it does, but not by its own name: The asphalt, without street signs or an intersection, changes names four times (Hale, Carroll, Council and Echols).

And, should you miss the curve at Carroll by going straight, this piece of asphalt via nine street names (Copper, Hazel, Nut, Breeding, Cold Spring, Alexander, Brush, Walnut and Linzee (now Lindsay) will bring you back to Steel, where you started.

If you're really intent on finding houses in Eureka, get to know the folks who live here, and that way you can immediately locate Edgar Smith's house using simple directions: "Well, its on Upper Cliff Street, just past Frank Johnson's mother's cousin's pink house on the left."