Aries: Lately, you've felt like a pair of brown shoes surrounded by sharp Bond tuxedos; a little out of place and less than stylish. Use that headbutting charm of yours, and you'll set a brand new trend.
Taurus: Autumn brings experiences money just can't buy; long walks in falling leaves and gorgeous sunsets. Let someone know you're a cheap date this season, so you can enjoy yourself.
Gemini: Who needs soap operas when they have you? When the Days of Your Lives get too much to handle, dive into the cover of night for some relief. It's easier to think things out when all the villains are asleep.
Cancer: You're having a zombie problem this week; all the troubles you knocked down last week keep getting back up. Grab a bigger zap gun and go after those bad boys. And quit eating shrimp pizza and Cheetos before you go to bed.
Leo: Five seconds until the bomb goes off? The cool lion always knows which wire to cut, but only in front of an audience. Grab a few friends and show how cool you work under pressure.
Virgo: Your to-do lists are legendary, but how do you keep track of them all? Better make a list of the lists, and a back-up list, just to make sure. No one will ever accuse you of being listless again.
Libra: You're looking and feeling great this week! Keep doing who or what you did, because it's working for you, and the universe approves. Yowza.
Scorpio: If there's a pebble in the path, you're the one who will stumble. Keep those laser beams on low and watch yourself, because an old flame may be throwing enough gravel at you to fill a ditch.
Sagittarius: Sometimes you can't just make goals and walk up to them; occasionally, you have to sidle up to them and throw a bag over their heads to get something accomplished. Stock up on burlap, because you'll need to sneak this week.
Capricorn: Usually, you think Hallmark commercials are the pinnacle of emotional TV, but lately you can't stop watching the Lifetime network. It's okay, just hormones and an urge to see Valerie Bertinelli fight her way through danger. You'll be back to the History Channel in no time.
Aquarius: You have a big event coming up, so please, for the love of your children, learn a few new dances. Unless you take great joy in embarrassing them, then hey, break out that Hustle and Frug.
Pisces: You are back in familiar waters, and the swimming is fine. Remember the lessons learned from your recent adventures, and you'll have excellent fish tales to tell all those guppies later on.
Copyright Beth Bartlett, 2008
Visit Beth at www.wisecrackzodiac.com.