Out of Arkansas

Something a lot wider than the Kings River divides Carroll County but nobody can really get a handle on what that something is, although Michael Burton's "Night Rider's Lament" sort'a works: "Why do you ride for your money / Why do you rope for short pay / You ain't getting nowhere / and you're losing your share / You must've gone crazy out there." Okay.

The pronunciation of town names is also a clue. Folks from Berryville often say "Uricka." Folks from Eureka sometimes say "Barelyville."

Of course, the western district is convinced that once they have 5,000 residents they will form another county. The eastern district claims they'll loan them the difference right now.

In the late 1970s, when Berryville's fertilizer factory blew up, national newspapers carried the story, noting that Eureka's fire department was turned back at the Berryville city limits.

Can this be true? Anything's possible. For example, the gossip on both sides of the river tends to demonize the other side. There are people on the east side who know for a fact that the heathens on the west side have cemetery markers inscribed "Return To Sender."

On the other hand some Eureka parents scold their children by saying, "You're acting like somebody from Green Forest." Parents in Green Forest tell their rowdy kids that if they keep making mischief they'll go to Eureka.

There should be a way to work together but so far not so good. Talk of "Let's all pull together" is usually said by the ones sitting in the wagon.

And the solution is? Well, we could take a page from the Vietnam War where the best solution to winning was to load all the loyal Vietnamese on a boat, nuke the Vietcong, and then sink the ship.