Out of Arkansas - Only If You've Been Drinking

The maitre d' behind the desk was taking names for seating at a fancy restaurant. A well-dressed woman stood patiently in front of him, pretending she didn't see the stalker behind her. The maitre d' says to her "Are there two of you tonight?" She shoots right back, "Only if you've been drinking."

On a slightly more serious subject: "Capital Budget for the purchase of coin-operated parking meters; and WHEREAS, it is the finding [too late] of the City Council of the City of Eureka Springs that requirement to publish a notice for and to request sealed bids for these meters is not feasible [See too late, above] or practical because of the amount of lost city [attention span and] revenue and maintenance costs on other types of parking stations [including City Transit] and

WHEREAS, it is the further finding in [a desk drawer] of the City Council of the City of Eureka Springs that a quote has been received [coincidentally] from POM Inc. of Russellville, AR, for single and double headed coin-operated meters consistent [surprise] with meters already in use in the City,

NOW, THEREFORE, be it ordained [by a priest and] by the City Council for the City of Eureka Springs, Arkansas, that:

Section 1. The requirements [except ethics] for competitive bidding in the acquisition of coin-operated parking meters and support posts shall hereby be waived [at you, thumb-in-nose].

Section 2. The quote from POM $289.63 for single head unit and $619.14 for the double-head per unit plus tax, handling and additional charges for support posts is and shall hereby be accepted. [By some, but not others]

Section 3. That the City Council for the City of Eureka Springs, AR., authorizes the Chief of Police to spend up to [without remorse] $30,000 from the City's [dwindling] Capital Reserve Funds.

Section 4. All Ordinances and Resolutions, and parts thereof, in conflict with this Ordinance are hereby repealed to the extent [of our imaginations] of such conflict. In the event any one or more of the provisions contained in this Ordinance shall for any reason be held [at arm's length] by a court of competent jurisdiction to be invalid, illegal or unenforceable in any respect, such invalidity, illegality or unenforceability shall not affect the remaining [gerbil-speak] provisions of this Ordinance, and this Ordinance shall be construed as [sneaky] if such invalid, illegal or unenforceable provision or provisions had never been [thought of or] contained herein.

Section 5. EMERGENCY CLAUSE. [This little doey is supposed to be used, according to the Arkansas Supreme Court, only in a provable, genuine emergency that threatens Public Safety, Public Health, or General Welfare; not because of poor planning.] The City Council of the City of Eureka Springs, AR finds [up its sleeve] that because it is in the best interests and financial health [Do you want fries with this Whopper?] of the citizens of Eureka Springs purchase these coin-operated meters to avoid a continued loss [of attention span] of parking revenue for the City, that an emergency exists [among the Ivory-billed woodpecker sightings] and therefore this ordinance shall go into full [donkey] force and effect immediately upon its passage.

PASSED AND APPROVED THIS 1st DAY OF JULY, 2009."

Folks, other than having too much fun with this engaging verisimilitude (the appearance of the truth), let's check back in with "Emergency Clause," which deletes the legal reading of the ordinance three times in three different regularly scheduled meetings (about a month and a half), which gives the taxpayers time to study the ordinance and decide if they want it or not. In this case it was voted on and approved in one "special" meeting without a full-faith effort to notify the general public, or the HDC and the Planning Commissions.

Three readings in one meeting wipes out our Constitutional rights, and also allows the city to skip the state law of putting any purchase of more than $10,000 out to bid. A mean way of looking at this would be it has the appearance of someone's brother-in-law getting a sweetheart deal.

The "emergency" was "financial health," which has no known city, state, or federal standing, and it can be translated as pumping ole Shorty full of windies, a fantasy of such grand proportions as to be believed only if you've been drinking.