Out of Arkansas - Sock Suckers

Let's begin with Health Insurance, which is an oxymoron because if you are not in good health, you can't buy coverage for your ailments.

The irony continues: (1) Someone knocking back big bucks working for a big corporation has a big policy, hundreds of pages of benefits, including obsessive nail biting. (2) Someone eking out a living in the mailroom of that same big corporation has a one-page, one-sentence policy: "Bend over, put your head between your legs and kiss your fanny good-bye." (3) The self-employed, those who have to pay full price for their private-plan policies, are required to stand on one leg and quack like a duck while the insurance company strip-searches them every year for every penny they have.

The Aug. 10, 2009, Time Magazine issue has percentages of types of plans for those insured: Employer's Plan 60%; Government Plan 24% (Medicare); Private Plan 14%; and Other (Smith & Wesson Exit Strategy) 2%.

Next? How about those Sock Suckers who are still allowed to race around our town, park, then rack and rev illegal (according to state law) straight pipes (meaning no muffler).

Disorderly Conduct State Law 5-71-207, second paragraph (2) states: "Makes unreasonable or excessive noise" is crystal clear about its being a class C misdemeanor, which in Eureka is mysteriously not enforced. At $100 a pop for the violation, the city could get more revenue than parking meters. Any police officer can make that judgment call because the difference between illegal straight pipes' noise and muffled legal pipes' noise is the difference between being slapped on the back, howdy, and being hit on the head with a hammer. If you're TPO by the noise, just call the police,

253-8666 (Yes, the sign of the beast.)

And now for something really different. According to the Washington Post, February, 18, 2009, there are six states: Maryland, Pennsylvania, North Carolina, Tennessee, Texas, and, of course, Arkansas that still have a law against atheists holding any office in the civil departments of the state, or testifying as a witness in any court, probably because of being sworn in ("So help me, God."), which might also extend to jury duty (same oath).

Well, the Atheist law was passed in 1874, the same year the idiots had to pass a law about the proper pronunciation of the state's name as Ark-kan-saw, which makes us Arkansawyers, not R-kan-sans, because we R-not from Kansas.

Although the U.S. Supreme Court ruled the Atheist law unconstitutional in 1961, the law is still in force in Arkansas, because a proposed amendment to delete atheists, etc. died in a May 1, 2009 state representatives house committee vote. (And today we still call ourselves R-Kansans.)

Speaking of idiots, the Arkansas House of Representatives recently passed a bill allowing people to carry concealed weapons in church. "Due to many shootings that have happened in our churches across our nation, it is time we changed our concealed handgun law to allow law-abiding citizens of the state of Arkansas the right to defend themselves and others should a situation happen in one of our churches," said state Rep. Beverly Pyle about this pile.

The bill doesn't say whether atheists can bring guns to church, but considering the fruit loops attending churches that make up their religions daily to suit their causes (It's okay to kill the born but not the unborn). Regardless, packing large caliber weapons in church might not be a bad way to clean up the gene pool. Apparently state representative Pyle doesn't subscribe to any known bible.

Surely, don't call me Surely, there's a way to wrap-up this article, but the best that can be done is to put a lid on the can of worms, get drunk, eat dog food and howl at the moon.