Out of Arkansas - Not So Goodie

The City Council's journey through amending the sidewalk ordinance has approached the blank area of its map, commonly described by medieval mapmakers as There Be Dragons.

The first of three readings had fair weather. The second slid into the Horse Latitudes: "When the still sea conspires an armor and her sullen and aborted currents breed tiny monsters, true sailing is dead."

The second-second reading, also postponed, floundered in a rogue wave of literally and metaphorically not being on the same page, which sucked them down into the hell of section numbers, sub sections, small parenthetical letters, "whereas blah-blahs," and other government gerbil speak to a point of clarity only known by our beloved Savior.

In summary, the second and second-second readings have rendered this:

The original agreement, a compromise, was reportedly settled by members of the Council and the Planning Commission: Tinted concrete would replace limestone and aggregate, when needed, along S. Main Street from the Historical Museum to the intersection of S. Main and Spring Street.

Limestone would replace tinted concrete and aggregate, when needed, from S. Main along Spring Street to the Baptist Church.

Unfortunately a Council member, who was lobbied by dissenting factions, voted against the compromise, which deadlocked the Council in a 3-to-3 tie, leaving the mayor with the deciding "yes" or "no" vote.

Meanwhile, a Council member wanted to add another sidewalk material, aggregate, to the list of usable replacements, arguing that it was the cheapest material, and it was used frequently around swimming pools, forgetting momentarily that the subject was a 129-year-old town; not a swimming pool.

And there were more problems to not solve. On the contentious side, worse than dragons, are the gnats and biting flies of politics. Try to read this: "Historic limestone must be repaired and refinished if possible." If possible is like shrink resistant socks, they don't want to shrink, but they just might.

"If the limestone is not repairable, then it shall be replaced, at the owner's option, either with limestone (said to be wildly expensive, but isn't) or tinted concrete." Really? The options are like asking, "Do you want a glass of sweet tea or would you rather crush your thumb with a hammer?"

The Council now surrounded by sharks in the shallows, and which once scolded the Planning Commission for being too slow in reviewing and then rejecting this ordinance, should take a page from Winston Churchill's African safari where he was plagued constantly by the press, "How's the safari?" Finally he turned, smiling brightly, "safari so goodie." Good luck, folks.