[Editor's note: Here for your reading pleasure is the best of the last six months of 2012's "Dispatch Desk," i.e., half a year's reminders of what a crazy town we live in and what colorful neighbors and visitors we live among. Enjoy.]
1:20 p.m. -- Police were dispatched to the Carroll House Apartments for suspicious persons. Caller advised that a male subject knocked on her door and was acting strange and saying something about a dead body and a note on the door. Officer was able to locate the subject and talk to neighbors to determine it was a prank. No problems found.
3:49 p.m. - A caller advised officers that someone was siphoning the water from the pond at the Old Fun Spot. Police responded advised and took information.
4:55 p.m. -- An officer was called to Pivot Rock Road to investigate a daytime break-in. The caller reported he was at work during the day and was being "messed with." He advised the only thing he could find missing was his goldfish. The complaint officer determined there was no report needed, but the property was put on extra patrol. No ransom note had been reported as of press time.
5:07 p.m. -- A caller from Pivot Rock Road called to complain of having been drugged in the night. An officer suggested she speak with a doctor about her sleep apnea problems and random nights of excessive sleep before an investigation starts.
8:43 a.m. -- A caller reported a large black dog running loose near Swiss Villa apartments. In British folklore, a black dog is essentially a nocturnal apparition, often said to be associated with the Devil, and its appearance was regarded as a portent of death. Plus there's the Led Zeppelin song. In this case, Animal Control followed the apparition home and issued a warning to its owner about leash laws in the city.
3:13 p.m. -- A caller advised while shopping at a local discount store her GMC white van was stolen from their parking lot. Funny thing is, just about that time the caller got a call from the owner of another white van, who had, yes, left his in the parking lot and driven off in the wrong vehicle. A switcheroo was made and everybody left happy.
5:26 p.m. -- A man at a new local bookshop advised the owner he was "full of drugs" and couldn't walk straight. However, he did drive off in a grey four-door sedan. Police sought him in vain.
4:24 p.m. -- A caller called to report being run off the road by a post office delivery truck. Carroll County Sheriff's Office was looking for the driver. Neither rain nor sleet nor snow nor dead of night...
7:07 p.m. -- A local motel called to report a naked two-year old running wild up and down their steps. When police arrived, an employee could no find no trace of the au naturel mite. "In summer I'm a nudist/In winter I'm a Buddhist." -- Joe Gould
12:18 a.m. -- A suspicious white van was reported driving around the Pine Mountain Village area with one headlight out. Officers engaged in slow pursuit and finally pulled the vehicle over at the Wonderlust RV park. A male individual was then arrested for driving left of center, resisting arrest, criminal mischief, felony fleeing an officer, driving on a suspended license, 3rd degree battery, DWI, and refusal to submit. He had me at "criminal mischief."
8:30 p.m. -- The owner of a local restaurant fired two employees for smoking pot and requested to be put on extra patrol in case of vandalism. N.B.: Pot smokers don't vandalize; they just eat a lot of snacks.
3:06 p.m. -- The hardworking editor of a local newspaper called to say he had just backed into the yield sign at the junction of US Hwy 62 by the high school because he wasn't paying attention. Don't ask. He straightened it up and said if it needed fixing to let him know. Lucky for him, the investigating officer found no need of further repair. The editor will never do that again.
10:20 p.m. -- A caller from South Main Street called to complain of a man urinating on his building, then swearing at him and trying to run over him and a co-worker while leaving. The angry urinater was driving a blue Ford. He slipped away uncaught.
7:33 p.m. -- A caller reported a dead deer in the southbound land of Hwy 23 South near Acord's. Police explained the deer was not in their jurisdiction, at which point the deer apparently came back to life and ran off.
9:52 p.m. -- A false alarm was reported at a local store where everything costs a dollar, according to their sign, but in fact everything there is only very, very inexpensive.
11:05 p.m. -- A caller reported sighting a small mountain lion in the area near Pine Mountain Village "by the canoe place." Three investigating officers saw several deer there but no cougar.
7:57 p.m. -- A caller downtown reported a boisterous black and white wiener dog wandering casually in traffic, causing cars to swerve. This sightseeing dachshund (a word of German origin literally meaning "traffic dog") was last reported heading past the Funnel Cake shop in the general direction of Planer Hill. Police were unable to locate.
10:16 p.m. -- A family from Lake Leatherwood Park called to report a possibly drunk driver who forced them to jump into the ditch to avoid being run over as he exited the park. Officers searched within city limits in case he'd headed into town but found nothing.
4:36 p.m. -- A caller advised of a possible traffic accident between Thorncrown Chapel and the Razorback Gift Shop on US Hwy 62 West. The reporting officer was unable to find a vehicle, although he did find a batting cage and car debris near the scene. A batting cage?
11:09 p.m. -- A local gas station reported a passing car threw eggs at a motorcycle in their parking lot. Everybody's a critic.
11:42 p.m. -- A caller reported a brawl between a male and female going on in the parking lot below a local bar. Police responded and arrested the male for 3rd degree domestic battery. He was checked out by EMS for a broken hand. He hung out with local police until they transported him to jail in Berryville. Sometimes you eat the bear, and sometimes the bear eats you.
1:04 a.m. -- A caller from Nova Street filed a complaint against a local bar where she said a patron had spat alcohol on her. She said when she complained to management they threatened to call police on her. When the dispatcher recommended she call back during business hours and speak to a supervisor, she hung up on her. Nothing good happens after midnight.
1:16 a.m. -- The hanger-upper from Nova Street called back to insist on filing a complaint against the bar where she'd had a bad night earlier; when the responding officer arrived to take her report, she slammed the door in his face. It appeared she had been drinking.
2:11 a.m. -- Okay, keep reading. There's no way to make this stuff up. The angry caller from the last two reports drove to the police station on Passion Play Road to follow up her earlier complaint. I quote the report: "[name deleted] came into the police department extremely intoxicated to file a complaint about [the bar] where she had alcohol spewed on her. An officer started to take the report, but when she found nothing was going to be done tonight, she walked out of the PD and advised she would speak to the chief on Monday. She then sped out of the police department parking lot in a white Mustang. The officer then stopped her at Exxon, where she was arrested for DWI, refusal to submit, and careless and imprudent driving."
4:59 a.m. -- A caller from South Main Street called for help due to loud noises, either an animal or a person screaming, coming from the woods across the street. The noises had stopped by the time the officer arrived. Traditionally, the Sasquatch or "Skunk Ape" as it is known Down South makes similar noises. As do panthers. Just sayin'.
10:02 a.m. -- The caller from a local inn reported finding a pair of shoes, a wallet, and, yes, false teeth in the parking lot. The police took the items back to the station, and sure enough, the owner showed up to claim them. How could you leave your false teeth in a parking lot?
8:06 p.m. -- A domestic encounter took place at a lovely local Asian restaurant between two brothers because one of them was with the soon-to-be-ex-wife of the other. Brothers came to blows. A report was taken.
10:16 p.m. -- A caller from Kingshighway reported four kids stole a ceramic sign from her yard that said "No Peeing Here." She explained the sign referred to dogs peeing, not people. She didn't want to file a report, only to let the police know in case other signs went missing. How many "No Peeing" signs can there be around town?
10:16 p.m. -- A caller from a local motel reported the theft of her cell phone and her L.E.D. hula hoop. A report was taken. They've got their best men looking for clues on that hula hoop.
9:37 a.m. -- A caller from Carroll Street reported his police scanner had been stolen. Irony. Irony.
11:23 p.m. -- A caller reported his mother was meeting a fellow in Eureka Springs for a date and hadn't returned any calls for about nine hours. He said she was supposed to park her 2004 gold Honda Accord at a local bank. Officers checked and found no car. Just as things were starting to get hairy, the caller called back to say that mom finally called and the date was going great.
7:12 p.m. -- A caller from Pine Street reported his house broken into on Halloween night. He reported his entertainment system and the title to his car stolen. A report was taken. Egging the guy's house would have been plenty.
8:04 p.m. -- A caller from an historic photography shop downtown called to report a tourist had dropped keys down a storm drain and that a string and magnet was not doing the trick. Public Works reported being unable to help once the string and magnet idea was exhausted. They did offer some phone numbers for calling for help in the morning.
10:29 p.m. -- A caller from a local apartment complex called to request officers' help with a neighbor involving a broken phone "and hand." The caller said "blame was going everywhere" and "spoke in fragmented sentences." The officers determined the situation was going to be a civil matter.
12:26 a.m. -- A male caller said he "needs cops there now" because a neighbor is taking pictures of his girlfriend "every time she goes outside" and otherwise harassing them. The officer responded and got everything figured out and under control.
7:35 p.m. -- A caller from earlier in this report went by the police station to report the Halloween theft of an Xbox, piggy banks, and a car title. Stealing the Xbox is a low blow.
10:03 a.m. -- An irate visitor who was threatening people outside a local motel with an icepick turned out to have a warrant out of Georgia for probation violation on a burglary charge and was arrested for same. I would think if I had a warrant waiting on me like that I would keep my head down and my icepick in my pocket. But noooooo...
12:06 p.m. -- A caller in line at a local drive-through burger joint called to advise two guys in the car in front of her were smoking marijuana and it was "wafting over into her vehicle." She didn't think either of them was fit to drive. Apparently she was wrong; the vehicle had vanished like a puff of smoke by the time officers could respond.
7:40 p.m. -- A caller from Hwy 23 South called to report three crotch-rockets "hauling ass" about 100 mph headed toward Eureka Springs from Huntsville. The call was forwarded to the state police.
12:56 a.m. -- Every week somebody calls about this same dog barking on Kansas Street. Every week.
12:28 p.m. -- An employee from a local hotel called to report a female who had checked in and at some point said she had a gun and someone was chasing her. No one had her seen her since, and check out time was past. The responding officer made contact without incident, and the lady went on her way.
4:00 a.m. -- A caller from US Hwy 62 West reported a crate of chickens had fallen off a truck about 1/3 mile past a local beaver-themed eatery. The responding officer cleared the road and notified Animal Control about the rest of the chickens.
9:27 a.m. -- A caller complained of people with a camp fire in the free parking area on North Main. The responding officer found people having a picnic and advised them to douse the flames.
9:52 a.m. -- A shop owner downtown called to report a man came into her shop and tried to sell her oranges! By the time police arrived, this fruit-wielding miscreant was already leaving downtown. They warned him anyway. Nothing rhymes with orange.
1:33 p.m. -- A caller from Spring Street advised a white truck was driving all over the street and even onto the sidewalk. Thought the driver might be under the influence. The responding officer determined the guy was okay, just out looking for his dog. On the sidewalk.
8:46 a.m. -- The owner of a local gallery called to say the hinge pins from the store's door were missing. Nothing was missing from the store.
9:18 a.m. -- A caller reported a break-in at the Spring Street business that had the missing money box. Reported things scattered and missing. The responding officer and detective wrote up a report. At press time, the case is still under investigation.
3:40 p.m. -- A caller from the most haunted hotel in town called Animal Control to report a goat -- not a ghost, a goat -- from its garden area. Animal Control captured the goat and found someone to babysit it until someone claims it. Anybody missing a goat?
9:27 p.m. -- A caller from a local hotel reported a car had smacked into another car in the parking lot and had stopped by the water tower in the parking lot. The responding officers had a mess to deal with. One driver was stumbling around the roadway. They ended up arresting the driver for suspicion of DWI, driving on a suspended license and no insurance. His female companion was arrested for obstruction of government operations.
1:28 a.m. -- That big black dog from the corner of Kansas and Prospect Streets finally got his owner a citation by barking all night long. Finally.
3:59 a.m. -- An officer found a male in the parking lot of a bar up on the highway with a possibly dislocated shoulder and abrasions on his face. EMS took the male to the hospital to check him out. You should've seen the other guy, though.
9:20 p.m. -- A caller reported a possibly a possible drunk driver leaving their apartment complex and heading down Dairy Hollow in a dark sedan. There were two males in the vehicle, but the whole thing was gone like a burp in a wind tunnel by the time they went looking.
11:49 a.m. -- A caller reported her brother had been missing since Friday and no one had heard from him since. He was later located at his home in Indianapolis and no report was needed. Thanks for letting everybody know, dude.
12:19 a.m. -- A caller from a local trailer park lodged a complaint against neighbors who were playing loud music, talking loud, and drinking loud. The officer told them to take it all down a notch, which they did.
6:31 p.m. -- The reckless driver of a silver/blue Mitsubishi was reported east bound on US Hwy 62 from the county line crossing the center line on numerous occasions. Nobody ever does that! Anyway, officers could make no contact with this alleged madman in the city limits.
12:37 a.m. -- Carroll County Sheriff's office called to advise they were sending EMS to Springs Street, where an individual had shot himself in the leg. Officers responded and a report was taken. I know that guy!
1:27 a.m. -- The watchman for a local hotel called to say there was a man walking around in his underwear and going into empty rooms. He advised they had had problems with him in the past. The responding officer contacted the hotel owner and found the individual was allowed to stay there. The officer spoke to him and he went back to his room for the night.
10:34 a.m. -- That same dog that barks every week on Mill Hollow Road was at it again. Animal Control attempted to contact the owner, who was not home, so left a message to contact the police department in reference to multiple, multiple complaints.
2:37 p.m. -- A caller reported a "rough-looking" white male subject in a silver Toyota car at the Leatherwood ball field trying to get into the concession stand. Idiot. Officers could find no one in the area when they checked it out.
5:47 p.m. -- A caller reported some genius hit her vehicle with a blue and white pickup near College and US Hwy 62, did not stop, drove on down the street, hit something else, parked the truck at the residence, then got out and stumbled inside. That could not have ended well.
8:10 a.m. -- A caller from a hog-themed gift shop out at the top of Leatherwood hill reported a two-vehicle accident between a semi and a passenger car. Guess who won. No injuries.
12:17 a.m. -- So this one guy called the police because he was trying to call his friend this girl, but this other guy answered the phone and threatened to kill the first guy the next time he saw him. Presumably for trying to call the girl? Just guessing. So the first guy didn't recognize the second guy and asked the police for help. The officer attempted to go to the residence of the girl in the middle of all this melodrama, but it was the wrong house. Dude: Stay away from the girl. Nothing good happens after midnight.
12:50 a.m. -- So this same guy calls back and says the second dude has called him and is again making threats. So this guy wanted the police to call back the phone number the second guy had been calling from. Surprisingly, no one answered. The officer left a message.
7:49 a.m. -- It had to happen. Tragically, a caller on Sunday morning reported he and come down to check out the nativity scene in Basin Park and felt something was amiss. Sure enough, the officers responding discovered a camel missing from the scene. At 8:52 they received a call from that big hotel right there by the park, who reported the camel was sitting outside a guest's room upstairs, smoking a cigarette. The camel was then returned to its proper place.