Aries: Forget the things that go bump in the night, you should be more concerned with what's stumbling around your garage in the morning. Could be a neighbor or a bear; either way, it's a hairy situation.
Taurus: Finders may be keepers, but you won't cry if you lose something out of your pocket on Wednesday because the Universe has a "no questions asked" replacement policy. You'll come out richer than you went in.
Gemini: Keep your lips zipped on Monday. Some things should stay between a man, a duck, a Volkswagen and a basket of kumquats. You'll only have to worry if the kumquats get chatty.
Cancer: The world is your oyster: wet and slimy with a noticeable lack of pearls. If that opportunity has been out in the sun for a while, keep moving unless you love the taste of Pepto-Bismol.
Leo: The only way you'll have all the answers is if you're cheating at Trivial Pursuit again. Step away from the box and take things as they come; sometimes a better path happens without your prodding.
Virgo: Life doesn't happen in the big events, it happens during all those little moments when you're channel-surfing and there's nothing to watch. Let go of the remote and listen to your loved ones. It will make you appreciate cable TV even more.
Libra: You don't have to dig deep to find your self-worth, just clear out a few of those empty corn chip bags from the corners of your soul. Dust it off and run it through the dishwasher a few times, and your esteem will be good as new.
Scorpio: Don't feel bad over this latest screw-up. If you knew better by now, what would your friends talk about at parties? At least you're good as a conversation starter.
Sagittarius: Every dog has his day, but your inner Great Dane could easily claim a week or two. Sniff out opportunities; just avoid humping karma's leg.
Capricorn: You've concocted the perfect plan to succeed, but sneaking those ideas past the boss could be difficult. Bribery with gourmet coffee and compliments is great, but the foot massages may be going too far.
Aquarius: Just when you learn to level up, someone change the game. You could start from scratch, but it's more likely you'll just seek out the programmer and give him extreme wedgies until he hands over the cheat codes.
Pisces: Your mind has been adrift for too long, so don't complain when a dolphin keeps nudging you toward shore. Head for land and quit being a wet blanket on the undersea party.