ARIES: Itís time for a good, long
look into your soul. Bring a flashlight
and some snacks, because this
could take a while. Remember to
pick up all your litter afterward,
otherwise an empty chip bag could
cause an existential crisis.
TAURUS: You discover the secret
of life, the universe, and everything,
but youíre sworn to secrecy.
Itís just as well, people would
doubt your sanity if you mentioned
the tiny mice in lab coats.
GEMINI: Sometimes the universe
has a good day at work, so
you get a special prize box filled
with awesome goodies. Write a
thank-you note on Wednesday, and
slip it into the universeís lunch tote.
CANCER: Go ahead, be all you
can be, but realize there are some
things you canít be. Like a goldfish,
a rhombus, or sympathetic toward
LEO: You have a mighty roar,
but you also have a rather cute
meow. Quit straining those vocal
cords, and use your kitten charms
to get what you want on Friday.
There will be catnip.
VIRGO: The best things in life
are free, but you still need to pay
up if you want that 100-inch screen
TV. Grab your elbow pads and
helmet, because Black Friday is
around the corner.
LIBRA: Step carefully; your
sweetie is dropping hints, and
youíre likely to trip over a pile of
them in the hallway. Get a box and
collect them all like Pokemon, so
youíll finally have a clue.
SCORPIO: Hiding your feelings
is like sticking a melon baller down
your pants. Itís cold and awkward,
but after a while you get used to
it. Pull out those emotions and run
them through the dishwasher before
SAGITTARIUS: The universe
may not cough up money on your
shoes, but it does sneeze a couple
of opportunities on you this week.
Brush up your resumeí and get a flu
CAPRICORN: If you have to
kiss frogs to find a prince, imagine
what youíll need to do for
someone really powerful, like
a sorcerer or the tech nerd
who can fix your computer.
Stock up on Red Bull,
sushi and massage oil.
have something stuck in
your craw, but thatís OK.
Itís time to power wash those
old opinions out of there anyway.
Put on goggles and hand the hose
to your BFF. Hey, what could go
PISCES: When you
asked the universe for a
sign, you didnít expect
it to smack you over
the head with one. Tell
Karma you get the message,
before it turns into
an old lady beating you with her purse.